Batsh*t Crazy

To feel the anger, and I would argue the righteous anger, at you for how you’ve laid waste to our marriage covenant is good and bad, empowering and terrifying.

It’s good for setting boundaries to keep myself safe from your insanity. From your evil against me. And from my abandonment of myself.

It’s bad for sucking me into the cesspool of crazy thoughts. Why? How dare you? What were you thinking? I would never…

It’s empowering. I do not need you to thrive. I know what I want from a relationship, and what I’m willing to own. I have grown so much in my love for and my understanding of myself.

It’s terrifying. As it washes over me, it takes my breathe away. Every last piece of me rises up to protest how you have bludgeoned my heart, my innocence, my trust. To have a chance to fight and protect myself from all you’ve done behind my back.

And then it’s no longer righteous anger. I imagine taking a bat, and screaming, and going batsh*t crazy on you.