I Want to Believe

I want to believe.

I want to believe that if we make it to 19 years, surely we will make it to death do us part.

I want to believe that after living 11 and a half years of betrayal and deceit, plus crushing days of ugly truth, plus 3 years of crawling out of the pit, plus almost 3 years of a new hope in reality, plus waking up to the pain and horrors of relapse, plus starting all over again but with a firm foundation in recovery…that if we make it to 19 years, surely we will make it to death do us part.

I want to believe. And yet I know that isn’t enough.

But still I hope.