The Need to Crumple

It’s a snowball effect.

At first, it’s a growing awareness of emotional and physical exhaustion. But there is still more of the day left. More that I feel responsible to do (like feed my children and put them to bed). Sometimes I end up living in this state for days, in and out of the awareness that I am sinking.

Then something comes along that requires even more of me emotionally: a needy child, a conflict, or sometimes just an invitation to compare myself to someone else’s instagram life. And I start free-falling into this fragile mental and emotional state. I hear my inner voice screaming, “I can’t do this!”

I am DONE. I am empty, with no reserves.

I often snap at this point. I used to just pull up my bootstraps and push myself even farther, but I don’t want to do that anymore.

I need to crumple.

I want to be picked up off the floor. And held. And maybe be put to bed.

Lord, help me to be kinder to myself. To give up sooner. To rescue myself from too much responsibility, and to put myself to bed.